So I was thinking about how hilarious all the activities that are pretty commonplace here on Earth would be if performed in OUTER SPACE. The defining features of Outer Space are, of course, varying temperatures that will either freeze or melt your face off, romantic views, and a pervasive feeling of insignificance. Sounds a bit like Kentucky right? But the most important characteristic that really sets it apart is ZERO G, which stands for zero gravity or maybe 0*g where g is the value of the Earth's gravitational pull at a point on its surface (9.81 m/s^2). I want to note real quick that this term is sort of misleading since at any point in space (including right here!), every object in the universe is exerting gravity over you although most small and more distant objects create such low forces that their effect is impossible to detect or feel and also opposite and equal gravitational forces might cancel each other's effects but still exist; so not necessarily Zero gravity but close enough.
Anyway, drinking water in zerog is awesome. You know how drinking water on Earth can be fun sometimes like after a run or when you haven't had it in a couple days? But water on earth sucks because it hurts when it goes up your nose and too much of it kills you and its mainly just really heavy. In zerog water comes in the shape of gobstoppers that you can throw at your friend or flirtee pretty easily. Water doesn't go up your nose or kill you because you could easily push it away from you. Relatedly, water isn't heavy because weight is a measure of the effect of gravity on an object and in zerog there is no gravity and thus no weight!
This brings me to my next point: gettin' it on. Getting it on in space would be awesome. Even if you've gained a few pounds your assumed lover won't notice because of the aforementioned lack of weight. Zerog can also act as an excuse for your embarrassingly poor performance ("This is my first time...in space!" "I swear this has never happened to me before...in space!" "I love you so much...in space!" etc.). A certain amount of acrobatic skill might be helpful but if you are into S&M and the like everything should be ok. I'm not sure if anyone has done the deed in zero G yet but I imagine it will end up happening a lot because of all those romantic views I was talking about and the endless possibilities for flirting with zero g water.
Driving a car in space would not be fun because you wouldn't be able to move and you would still be polluting. Taking a bike for a 'spin' would be a blast however because you could do a bunch of tricks by changing your center of gravity. Bikes: 2 Cars: 0
Also I heard that some people who do drugs feel like they are in space. I don't know if doing drugs in space would be awesome because you might not even notice the difference.
Riding in a hot air balloon in space would be awesome just for the looks on people's faces.
5 comments:
what about making cornbread in space?
Culinating in high altitudes on earth fudges (hah) things up all the time because the reduced air pressure causes various baked goods to rise more quickly and greatly. In space there is no air pressure whatsoever so this could be a real problem...
According to WHOLE FOODS MARKET (TM):
"Interestingly, pioneers seem to have relied almost solely on an extra egg in a recipe to solve their high-altitude baking problems."
Yes WHOLE FOODS MARKET (TM) that is quite interesting. "High altitudes" means 3000 feet or more so that is roughly one extra egg per 3 kilofeet. If we assume we are trying to serve up a yummy batch of sweet sweet cornbread at about 1,000,000,000 feet from the surface of the earth (putting us just a bit past the moon) all we have to do is add about 333,333 extra eggs (plus one egg white) to our mix in order to make it just right!
Good question!
obviously, you haven't heard of the uranus experiment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_sex
"The Uranus Experiment features around 20 seconds of actors Sylvia Saint and Nick Lang (who portray astronauts living on a space station) having sex in freefall. The scene was controversially nominated for a Nebula Award, but did not win."
RECOUNT!
If you pour a beer in space, where does the head accumulate?
Actually, you'd just be "extracting" the beer from a can or bottle, or squirting it from a pressurized vessel. ("That's what she said", I know).
I think that space-tourism should be taken off the future-menu. I don't think that burning literally millions of gallons of fossil fuels to launch 100kg of flesh into the stratosphere is an example of responsible stewardship of our planet. When they come up with electric-hybrid rockets, I'll reconsider.
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